Feeling a little under the weather lately. You know how when you were still a student you wish you were already making big $$$?? Its like when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to be a teenager and when you were a teenager you couldn't wait to be an adult. The question is why are we so anxious to grow up?
For me growing is makes sense if you grow how to think maturely but yet still keep your inner child side with you. Cos you know grown ups can get way too boring sometimes. No sense of humour whatsoever in them. Guess those are the people who has lost their real souls. But what I'm trying to say is that I miss being a kid, being able to just enjoy myself without any worries about the next thing possible to screw up! As you grow older you take on more responsibilities and each step you take counts because you got no one else to fall on to. You screw it up, you deal with it. But at the same time you get to do what and whichever way you want it to be done. Freedom is a HUGE word. Use it wisely or you'll see yourself digging your own grave deeper than 6 feet under.
Sometimes freedom gives you too many choices and when one is spoilt with too many choices, things can go really wrong. Its basically like gambling choose the wrong path and you'll just see no end to it.
My life now feels really stuck. I stuck in between the choices I have. On what I want and where to go what to do. And as my teachers and parents always painted me a picture of the best of every world, hell I tell ya it takes a lot to reconfigure a mind that has been poison that way. I am not blaming anyone nor am I pointing fingers, its my fault for not reading enough and knowing what the real world REALLY had to offer. For those of you who are still having a fresh brain...my advice is it is a SCARY world out there.
So with the bills and rent to pay, one is left with only so much to safe. Even with a bonus this year, the government of the UK decided that ok, she's got a bonus we shall take half...ok we'll be nice we will only take 2/5 of her bonus....wait...did they just said 2/5???? FML!! That is like robbing me...no wait that's just like snatching an ice cream off a child's hand!!! EVIL! So what's the point of getting that bonus again? So that the gov could buy present for the people who decided to not work and lay on their asses all day...or other words bloody council trash! Sigh...
Am I really happy with what I got? No but most of you would say, ahhh she can't be happy with what she has because she's always asking for more. So you think you know me well enough to judge me eh? I don't deal with disappointments well, yes I can tell you that. My first experience out of my shell was totally unexpected. Shocking I would say. Never expected the cold to be THAT cold and never expected the UK to be so run down. But the experience has thought me so much more than I wanted to know. Will I trade it for something else? Definitely not.
So the question is, where should I go from here and who do I seek for suggestions and help? You religious people, yes YOU please don't ask me to ask Jesus ok? If I had to experience it all myself, by the time I finally find it I would probably either too old to carry on or probably won't even still be alive to even get there. The world is a big place for one small person like me.
On a whole other note, I realised something, how jealousy can turn someone so evil but most of all ruin another person's life. If I were to be totally honest with you, I feel like my entire family has turn on me. Nobody cares anymore. Sad eh how people are easily poisoned. But I am so close to start it over. Hopefully one day I could just be around people who would be able to accept me for who I am and not judge me until they really know me.
I'm off to bed now, its way passed midnight and I gotta get up later for work...1 more week till I'm off from work.
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