random ramblings (edited)

I've been pondering upon my life here in the UK. Pondering on hard about the questions people ask me. And came to a realisation.

I've always kept a list of things I dream of doing in the near future and the far future of course. I opened my notebook the other day and went through the list I've written to myself 5 years ago. Here is what the list is like:

Things to do by the age of 30.
1) Disney World
2) Scuba Diving
3) Own a Car
4) Own an apartment
5) Bungee jumping
6) Travel the world
7) Swim with the dolphins
8) Get a tattoo
9) Lean up about car engines
10) Learn to ride a motorbike
11) Meet a celebrity
12) Camp out in the woods
13) Have my own pet
14) Learn surfing
15) Hawaii
16) Explore a cave
17) Open my own business
18) Horse Riding
19) Go on a vacation with friend(s)
20) Learn to play the guitar and drums
21) Bring my parents for a vacation
22) Build a snowman
23) Get my degree in any university overseas
24) Water Rafting
25) Win a design competition
26) Nintendo Touch
27) PSP
28) MP3 Player
29) Camera mobile phone
30) Walk-in wardrobe
31) Famous Designer
32) Own a big huge animal hospital
33) Gain first honors for my BA in Interior Design
34) A Pink Laptop
35) Pink car of my dreams
36) Travel around the world
37) Land properties

Reading this, I realised I've managed to cross out a few of them and I'm only 22! Mind you this is like a dream list! Well, I tend to add on to them whenever I have a new thing in mind but thats not the point. So basically, I've manage a few things and I'm actually very proud of myself on how far I've gone through, a distance back then that never seem possible.

Yes I love to winge and dread about the bloody weather and even after about a year still not liking the cold. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to the cold but I'm not liking it. Well, lets just say that the weather is so unpredictable and that it could change any minute and its just too bulky to be walking around wearing too much on yourself. Weather aside, I love the experience. Honestly I do. I love the fact I'm here living my dreams. The experience being in a whole new country, a whole new place, a whole new adventure. People ask me, why do you wanna come here to the UK when you live in such a nice country? Admit it people! Malaysia is nice. Weather is good, food is good, people are nice. Well, we do get a lot of shits in Malaysia too but the main thing is the good weather and the nice food, really. Anyway, my point is that what you see on TV, what you hear from someone else is nothing near to what you can experience yourself. Everyone have their own way of blending in. So what is my story?

My first few months before arriving here, when I was still back in Malaysia, I was excited yet scared and sad. Sad to be living my family, my friends, my pets...the familiar faces but at the same time I couldn't wait to make new friends, to see the things I've never seen before: to be in the snow, to be wearing the nice fashion clothings! But when I came here, I was rather lonely. University was not as expected. It was a disappointment. I was hoping to make really nice good friends like I did in college. Someone I could click with and just talk about anything not having to be uncomfortable with but I never got to meet that someone. That someone seems to be just an imagination...an illusory. I thought I'll be having a fantastic time! That finding a job would be just so easy. That everything would just be in walking distance. I could just travel Europe anytime I want. See the things people are always talking about. Maybe my expectation was way over the line. I came here realising everything you see and hear is just an exaggeration. Yes, I was THAT naive. Everything was not as it was in my head.

I came here to realise that the place I was going to be living is a 20 minute car ride to the city where my university is and is a 90minutes bus ride. I also found out that in the summer it only gets up to 20 at max or 22 if you're lucky and even if it does it last for only that 1 day and in 1 year you probably only get 5 days of good sunny days or maybe less. I also found out that houses here are way smaller than the ones I've seen in Malaysia. They are old and dodgy. Most of the things are still way back behind compare to Malaysia. People here eat Sandwiches and Yogurt - A LOT! Combo up with a bottle of fizzy drink and a bag of "keropok" (crisp). Their biggest shopping mall is dodgy looking compare to our Mid Valley or 1 Utama. They have individual shops on streets instead. The people are ignorant as ever. They are so ignorant that they only know about their own country and the US obviously. They talk so much about globalization, how they are not racist, how they are all so open. Trust me that's all CRAP! How the fuck are they going to gain globalization if they have no comprehension or consciousness about other countries around them? Its rather sad really. I have so far not feel like I'm being treated as an equal here. Somehow, I'm still an outsider, alienated from them. People ask me how I manage to learn their language: English so fast and good in just a few months? (-_-)" WE SPEAK ENGLISH IN MALAYSIA LA! Stupid innit? I find it so hard to adapt, so hard to blend in. The only people who give me enough respect are the people who actually experienced another culture before. Someone who experienced being in another country or just someone who has visited Malaysia. Does it take someone to experience another culture to be more understanding? To be more accepting?

I always thought the westerners were more open and understanding and shit but I came here and experience the life they have here and I can dare say, I'm way better off than most of them here. Why? Because I can speak more than 1 language. I manage to experience both side of the culture. I understand both culture. Note this, I don't have to experience it to treat them as an equal!! I treated them and respect them as they are when they visited Malaysia!

I'm thinking is it because I look 16 that I don't get the respect? Yes I admit, I am childish and immature. But in a good way. Why does a child has no worries? Why is it that a child is able to accept anyone and doesn't pass judgment? So being childish is good innit? If you go back to yesteryears, I'm sure you can tell me that you had most of your fun days and time when you were a kid. I love being mischievous, I love being playful, I love making funny faces, I love teasing, I love playing tag and I love wrestling with my brother. Oh and I sure do love cartoons! But at the end of the day, I know I'm already 22. My mom keep asking me to act my age. I DO act my age but this is me! I still love the kid in me. Nevertheless, I've live enough to be treated like an adult. At least being respected as one. Regardlessly on how the way I act, obviously there is always a place and time, I hate it when people pass judgment on me and treat me like I'm a fucking 15 year old. As if I'm a newbie on my own blog or something, you know what I mean? People should get to know someone first before making any judgment!

Anyways, that's my ramblings for today...hope it didn't bore you too much...cheers!