dear angel

Thank you for protecting those who I've asked you to. I hope they are in peace, good health, joy and love.

I don't really want to complain here...but this is what I've got to say. I haven't find my own piece of mind. I"m like in world war 3 between me, myself and I. Part of me agree in certain things while the other don't...It makes me so confused at times and sometimes I just wanna be alone but I can't because time is so limited nowadays that there's no time to waste...So I hope angel, you can guide me through the right path.

I'm having problems with my parents. They think that I'm "expensive". In the sense that paying for me to go to college is burning a hole not in their pocket but in their account...it's that bad. But I really hope that they do understand that I'm trying my best here to gain a scholarship so that they don't have to pay for the fee of my course...I mean it's the main birden at the moment right? Besides i promised to get a part time job once I'm done with semester 2...since i'm granted this long holidays right? But mom called me for the past 3 days to nag at me on how much i've used up their cash...and they said that I have to be considerate because by the time i'm done in college they will have to pay a whole lum sum of cash for my brother to start college...hmm if only I was the only child then it wouldnt be that bad right? But that will be rather sellfish...so I wouldn't wish for that. Did I made the wrong decision on following my heart to gain my dreams? Is it my fault for having such a dream that will have to cost a lot? I really hope I've not takent the wrong derection because if I had there's no U-turn...it's too late...I just hope that something or somehow things will work out for me.

I don't have enough time...this is what I realise. There's like soo many things to do but there's not enough time to finish them up...or maybe it's just me...I don't know how to spend my time wisely...but i've been trying and trying nothing seems to be working...I'm not getting enough rest and there's so much to cope up with. I just hope that I can manage myself...I just hope I wont get into a mental breakdown or watsoever.

I also realised I'm not as happy as I used to be anymore...why? I'm trying hard to not let ppl noticing it but I guess I suck at it...because my friends notice it and some even think that I'm sick...I just hope I'll find back my joy and happiness...there's only two possibalities...one, maybe i'm just too stressed up over my life or two, I'm confused about my feelings...if someone is too nice to you, what will you do? happy right? but I'm not..because I'm afraid i'll fall for them...this is making me crazy...I seriously hope that angel you can guide me through the right path...I don't wanna skrew my whole life up...

Angel, please guide me...I'm willing to surrender my soul to you...with oepn heart and hands...I welcome you into my life and my heart...

your little angel,
ashley