Have you ever felt like you're being used by the person u love? I mean like if you have a crush on someone and somehow he/she knows about it...so he/she starts using you since you'll do whatever it is for him/her. Get what I mean?
Anyway, I was thinking about my priorities in life. I'm the kind of person who put love on the top of my list. Not the love for my other half but for the love of friendship and also family. I've never been in love so that's why that kind of love doesn't count. I would give up my life for those who are important to me. Surprise? Well, I'm a loving person if those of you out there thinks I'm a horrible idiotic bitch. I think most of you thought so. Second will come my studies. My future and my dreams. So that's why if something happen to any of my loveone it will definitely effect my work and studies. Especially my little darlings back home. I cannot imagine what would I be if anything were to happen to them. There are also my friends and god sisters and god brothers that I care so much but well I'm not mentioning names. But sometimes I think my friends take the advantage...you know knowing that I will do this or that for them. I used to be this really stern person like if I don't like it I won't do it..stuff like that. I don't care if u like it or not I will never give u another chance or whatsoever...but I changed because I wanted everyone to like me...which I come to think now is rather stupid right? I really don't know. =(
At the moment I'm having a very bad tummy ache but well I'm kinda used to it. I serioudly don't know what's wrong with it...I think about it everynight and wonder if it's cancerous. What if it is? To tell you the truth I'm never scared of death. I'm ready for it anytime now. Who know's when I'll leave Earth right? The only thing is that there's alot of my dreams that I wanna achieve...other than that I don't see why I should be sad about death.
I'm very down at the moment. I really wanna talk it out here but I can't cos this is so public. How would you feel when the person you always confide in and all is the person who ur having trouble with...who would you go for comfort and who else can u confide in? You know what I mean? It's like you only write your deepest secret in you diary right?and it's ONLY to your diary and no one else...but what if you can't write it in your diary?? You can't let it out...that hurts doesn't it? All of a sudden I feel like ending life so much faster but then again I told myself I'm never a quitter...
I feel like I'm hanging in mid air...Like I'm confuse yet I'm not...you know that kind of feeling...but there's nothing I can do...unless that particular person gives me an explanation...I'll still be hanging in mid air. I hate this feeling...it really makes me feel like dying!
Arghhh!!! As much as I'm trying to cover it i hope I'll be able to keep my cool...I don't wanna let my friends of family know what's going on inside of me...No point getting them worried.
No comments:
Post a Comment