One day...

I watch people getting high scores, win a competition, achieve an A, got the best job, have the best life. I wonder if I could ever get there!

I was best in Mathematics in Kindergarten. Top 3 in primary school, but I didn't manage the straight As in my UPSR. I was always on the top until I fall. But somehow I manage to pick myself up and work it towards the top again. I manage to get there. I was back on track and got 5As out of 7 and I was happy. But I knocked down again for some reason, I couldn't get back on my own 2 feet myself. A friend lend a hand and I was back where I started again. With the time constrained I couldn't get at the very top. Then it was the end of high school. College started, I worked hard to get where I wanted to be. But I was never good enough to be the best. Its like I wasn't born with the talent. I had to work for it. Unlike some who just had it all their life. At my very last semester, I didn't even get second best, I didn't manage to nail it. I know, its not about getting straight As, its not about being the best. But its like a battle against myself. I want to prove to not only the world but myself that I can do it. I want to know that I set that goal up high and that I could get it! I could reach up there and take all that I own. All I'm asking myself is to get that First Class Honors. I know I shouldn't feel like a failure if I didn't get it. But I know I won't forgive myself for it if I don't get it. I may be born without a talent. But I really want to know that I could at least work for it. It is really hard to explain, but I really want to be successful, I want to be something! I'm not letting anything or anyone getting in my way. But I know the world is out there and that everyone would want to knock me down because this world is a competition. I could climb back up. But what if I'm always being knocked down and never be able to reach it up there? I know I'm thinking way too much... but I hope somehow, someone would see that I deserve what I want...one day....